INDIATV Stupid Breaking News

A collection of funny stupid and senseless news from news channel INDIA TV/ INDIATV. which is Deteriorating standards of the Indian Media.

poem @friend farewell

This is written by me for my fried farewell

Fun is wht v do when we are with u
fun is wht v do when hv tea breaks

memories of all d leg-pullings n all d fun
cookies, matthis, going 4 tea in scorching sun

v tried to teach u drive fast but u r still slow
Ur Michael & Meera stories were boring and low
They made us sleep.... Ho!!! Ho!!! Ho!!!

Tum karti ho hume bahut tang
coz u are ladakoo number one
for every fight u can find idotic reason,
Lucky us!! v know u just 4 a season.

Without u things wont b same
an empty chair is all v can claim
by the way, what's ur nick-name?

V all had best time with u,
Our friendship is really true
we will always MISS YOU...

A Confusion Has Confused My Mind

A Confusion Has Confused My Mind, Which Is Already Confused With Some Confusion.
I Don’t Know Why This Confusion Has Confused My Confused Mind. If My Confusion Has Confused Your Mind,
Then Try To Get A Solution For My Confusion To Rectify My Confused Mind.
If My Confuse Message Didn’t Confuse You Then Be Happy Thinking That A Confused Message Didn’t Confuse U,
Which Really Confused Me. Any Confusion In This Message! Then Confuse Others. Happy Confusion.

Note: I have not written that ... its gr8 so just copied and pasted in my blog
LOL :)

Why MSN rank So high in alexa ?

I think if MSN has so many page views
I tried so often MSN for search but never got the results I need. Another reason why MSN has so many counts is that the Alexa tool bar is an Internet Explorer add-on and MSN is the default search in IE.

MSN has so much traffic, because all the newbies use it. Don’t forget that IE redirects you to MSN when you have an unreachable site.

Things to Do in Delhi in Rs200

There are so many things that can be done in Rs 200 in Delhi.So here’s my list:

1) Dilli Haat

Only thing it will cost you is Rs 25 as entry ticket. Nice clean market and with nice food available.

What all to do – Look around for nice handcrafted stuff available there. You can easily get something useful and good for Rs 150. Else, you a foodie, get the food from all the states there on special counters. Momos, pav bhaji are all worth trying once.

2) Nehru Planetarium

The Nehru Planetarium in New Delhi is situated in the green surroundings of the Teen Murti House, earlier the official residence of India's first Prime Minister, Jawaharlal Nehru and now a museum in his memory.What all to do – Visit the Memorial Museum, Memorial Library or watch the Sky Show. Currently you can watch “Chandrayaan” instead of Sky show, but its equal fun. At the end enjoying its greenery, have a walk

3) Visit Museums

There are many museums in Delhi, some of the best being:

a) Air Force Museum – A Collection of Aero planes & armory

b) Archaeological Museum - Paintings, Textiles, Costumes

c) Gandhi Museum - Personal Belongings Of Gandhiji

d) Indian War Memorial Museum - Arms, Weapons

e) National Gallery Of Modern Art – Nice paintings and library

f) National Science Centre Museum - Display the various Scientific Instruments

g) National Rail Museum - Collection Of Locomotives And Carriages

h) Doll Museum – Collection of Dolls

Price – The only thing one needs to spend on are entry tickets, and they will cost from Rs 10 to Rs 50.

4) Local Markets

like Sarojini Nagar, Connaught Place , lajpat nagar , karol bagh

What all to do – Roam around in the market, shop for clothes or other house hold stuff within Rs 200 or instead eat in local food joints for same. Rs 200 will be more then sufficient and you can save as well.

5) Watch plays, movies

So many multiplexes, India Habitat Center, Alliance Francais, Shri Ram Center of Art.

What all to do – Watch movie in Rs 150 or even in less in some of the theaters. If you prefer watching plays instead, so many places to watch. Ticket’s cost varies from Rs 0 to Rs 200.

6) Delhi Darshan in DTC Bus

DTC daily operates Sight Seeing Tours from Scindia House. The fare of Delhi Darshan Service is Rs.100/-. The Delhi Darshan ticket of Rs. 100/- will be valid in all city services on the pattern of DTC Green Card. Children between the age of 5 - 12 years will be charged half ticket i.e. Rs. 50/-.

Places you will be visiting – Red Fort, Raj Ghat, Indra Gandhi Samriti, Qutab Minar, Lotus Temple, National Rail Museum, Birla Mandir (Shri Laxmi Narian Temple).

7) Delhi Metro Tour

Buy the one day card for Rs 70 and browse the extensive, latest metro network in Delhi. One of the best public transportation medium is absolutely worth exploring.

8) India Gate

Go to India Gate and enjoy the green and clean surroundings and breathe taking view of India Gate.

What all to do – Go equipped with balls, Frisbees or just a pack of playing cards, or watch monkeys perform, blow soap bubbles all over the lawns, play with balloons and even get your insides turned inside out on a ferris wheel, loll on the cool lawns, lick a bar of ice candy and watch the floodlit arch and the fountains nearby that seem magically lit up with coloured lights.

9) Visit Forts

Old Fort, Red Fort, Humayun Tomb, Tughlaqabad Fort

What all to do – The colossal forts in Delhi, besides portraying a grand architecture also narrate the history of the erstwhile maharajas who reined this place. Standing amidst the greens of lush manicured gardens, they indeed create a magnificent sight.

10) Zoo

The New Delhi Zoo is a place for animal lovers. It is generally clean, very relaxing place to spend a full day. The entrance price is only 50 Rupees, including the map, which is an exceptionally good deal.

11) Akshardham

It’s a newly constructed awesome temple in New Delhi. It has found its place in Guinness book of world records as well. Place known for its beautiful carvings and architecture has to be visited once at least.

What all to do – Look at the beautiful carvings all over the temple. The awesome architectural work will force you to appreciate its beauty. Watch light and water show, have food in its cafeteria.

12) Have food in one of the local food places
dhabas in CP, local Chinese and South Indian Food Joints

What all to do – This is a must for all delhites and foodies. Awesome Indian food at awesome prices, we delhites survive on it.

You are in Delhi when ??

You know you are from Delhi

When...

* You have faced power-cuts up to 10hours a day! And yet, its no big deal for you.

* Even though the hottest party spot/pub in town says "Admit Over 18, Drinks over 25" You have been inside and have enjoyed a beer, being underage.

* Living in the most posh colonies, you get to hear, "Aloo, Bhindi Pyaaz, Tamatar le loo"... And you hear women asking the vegetable vendor "Bhaiyaa aapne free dhaniya nehi diya!"

* You have Driven rash a nd Broken Signals...

* When take its 4hrs to cover 21km in rainy season.

* You use the word and have described practically every other person on the planet as “Vella”

* One of your favorite yummiest ice-creams was “ORANGE – BAR”

* When you feel lucky enough to have around 10 LOCAL FM STATIONS! Woho.!!!

* A meter working in

a A

uto – Miracle! And hear statements like..

# Gas nahi hai

# Gaadi waapis dene ka time ho gaya

# Wahan se waapis ki sawaari nahi milti

# Wahan jaam (traffic jam) mein kaun fasega

Will India ever play in a Soccer Wold Cup ?

"Some people believe football is a matter of life and death, I am very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that"

As the football fever grips the entire world, India isn’t aloof to it. The world’s biggest sporting event after the Olympics has the country completely painted in yellow, blue, red and

possibly every colour in the spectrum. From Brazil to Argentina and Germany to England to Spain all these countries have their huge fan base following action following each and every moment of the action. We have a huge advantage following this event as there are no chances of heartbreaks.

The situation is such that suddenly the Indian sports lovers have shut their ears on the IPL controversy and the ongoing Asia Cup in which MS Dhoni and his men are sweating it out doesn’t seem there are too many eyeballs in India for them. Wonder if our cricketers are used to this? But a bigger question that continues to haunt is whether we will ever be able to cheer for our own team? Will we ever hear the Indian anthem as the FIFA World Cup?

Our dismal FIFA ranking of 133 doesn’t seem to be an encouraging sign for even the die hard Indian football fans.Still this is a remarkable improvement from the 166 we were about two years ago. This improvement is however nowhere close to getting us a World Cup berth. The competition gets tougher for India considering only four slots to the Asian countries which also includes Australia. This is far less compared to Europe which has 13 slots although European and Asian football aren’t comparable.

Many Indian fans may not be aware that India had almost made it to a World Cup. History has it that India has qualified for thev1950 World Cup. Four countries from Asia were invited to participate in the qualifiers. Burma, Philippines and Indonesia al

l withdrew, so India qualified automatically. India was placed in Group 3 with Sweden, Italy, and Paraguay. But their request to play barefoot was turned down by FIFA and they withdrew!

It is also quite well know FIFA is also desperate to get India into the event considering the huge support base it has and considering the fact that it is a rising super power having India out of the race is not in the commercial interest of football. The money involved in the IPL has shown how big a sporting market India can be. Along with China it holds one third of theoretical television audience in the world a fact which is hard to ignore.

What is India’s chance of qualifying for the event? Considering the playing standards quite bleak! But India can bid for the 2026 or 2030 World Cups as the bit for the 2014, 2018 and 2022 events has already been sealed. This will make India automatically qualify as South Africa did this season. For that to happen India has to host a few global sporting events. The coming Commonwealth Games will be a test and India is also planning to bid for the 2020 Olympics. It might seem a distant dream but in 2026 and 2030 India will definitely be a global power to reckon with. Who knows our football standards might also improve by then if we could make the I League more competitive by involving more foreign players. A few years back nobody would have backed us at having a F1 driver by Narain Karthikeyan did something against the odds. India may one day realise it’s biggest football dream.

Google Search Technology

The technology behind Google's great results

As a Google user, you're familiar with the speed and accuracy of a Google search. How exactly does Google manage to find the right results for every query as quickly as it does? The heart of Google's search technology is PigeonRank™, a system for ranking web pages developed by Google founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin at Stanford University.

Building upon the breakthrough work of B. F. Skinner, Page and Brin reasoned that low cost pigeon clusters (PCs) could be used to compute the relative value of web pages faster than human editors or machine-based algorithms. And while Google has dozens of engineers working to improve every aspect of our service on a daily basis, PigeonRank continues to provide the basis for all of our web search tools.

Why Google's patented PigeonRank™ works so well

PigeonRank's success relies primarily on the superior trainability of the domestic pigeon (Columba livia) and its unique capacity to recognize objects regardless of spatial orientation. The common gray pigeon can easily distinguish among items displaying only the minutest differences, an ability that enables it to select relevant web sites from among thousands of similar pages.

By collecting flocks of pigeons in dense clusters, Google is able to process search queries at speeds superior to traditional search engines, which typically rely on birds of prey, brooding hens or slow-moving waterfowl to do their relevance rankings.

When a search query is submitted to Google, it is routed to a data coop where monitors flash result pages at blazing speeds. When a relevant result is observed by one of the pigeons in the cluster, it strikes a rubber-coated steel bar with its beak, which assigns the page a PigeonRank value of one. For each peck, the PigeonRank increases. Those pages receiving the most pecks, are returned at the top of the user's results page with the other results displayed in pecking order.

Integrity

Google's pigeon-driven methods make tampering with our results extremely difficult. While some unscrupulous websites have tried to boost their ranking by including images on their pages of bread crumbs, bird seed and parrots posing seductively in resplendent plumage, Google's PigeonRank technology cannot be deceived by these techniques. A Google search is an easy, honest and objective way to find high-quality websites with information relevant to your search.

Data

PigeonRank Frequently Asked Questions

How was PigeonRank developed?

The ease of training pigeons was documented early in the annals of science and fully explored by noted psychologist B.F. Skinner, who demonstrated that with only minor incentives, pigeons could be trained to execute complex tasks such asplaying ping pong, piloting bombs or revising the Abatements, Credits and Refunds section of the national tax code.

Brin and Page were the first to recognize that this adaptability could be harnessed through massively parallel pecking to solve complex problems, such as ordering large datasets or ordering pizza for large groups of engineers. Page and Brin experimented with numerous avian motivators before settling on a combination of linseed and flax (lin/ax) that not only offered superior performance, but could be gathered at no cost from nearby open space preserves. This open space lin/ax powers Google's operations to this day, and a visit to the data coop reveals pigeons happily pecking away at lin/ax kernels and seeds.

What are the challenges of operating so many pigeon clusters (PCs)?

Pigeons naturally operate in dense populations, as anyone holding a pack of peanuts in an urban plaza is aware. This compactability enables Google to pack enormous numbers of processors into small spaces, with rack after rack stacked up in our data coops. While this is optimal from the standpoint of space conservation and pigeon contentment, it does create issues during molting season, when large fans must be brought in to blow feathers out of the data coop. Removal of other pigeon byproducts was a greater challenge, until Page and Brin developed groundbreaking technology for converting poop to pixels, the tiny dots that make up a monitor's display. The clean white background of Google's home page is powered by this renewable process.

Aren't pigeons really stupid? How do they do this?

While no pigeon has actually been confirmed for a seat on the Supreme Court, pigeons are surprisingly adept at making instant judgments when confronted with difficult choices. This makes them suitable for any job requiring accurate and authoritative decision-making under pressure. Among the positions in which pigeons have served capably are replacement air traffic controllers, butterfly ballot counters and pro football referees during the "no-instant replay" years.

Where does Google get its pigeons? Some special breeding lab?

Google uses only low-cost, off-the-street pigeons for its clusters. Gathered from city parks and plazas by Google's pack of more than 50 Phds (Pigeon-harvesting dogs), the pigeons are given a quick orientation on web site relevance and assigned to an appropriate data coop.

Isn't it cruel to keep pigeons penned up in tiny data coops?

Google exceeds all international standards for the ethical treatment of its pigeon personnel. Not only are they given free range of the coop and its window ledges, special break rooms have been set up for their convenience. These rooms are stocked with an assortment of delectable seeds and grains and feature the finest in European statuary for roosting.

What's the future of pigeon computing?

Google continues to explore new applications for PigeonRank and affiliated technologies. One of the most promising projects in development involves harnessing millions of pigeons worldwide to work on complex scientific challenges. For the latest developments on Google's distributed cooing initiative

Note: This page was posted for April Fool's Day -

Ways to Guarantee You’ll Lose Money in the Stock Market

There are lots of mails and sms going around which guarantee you to earn money and that too very fast.

How about ways to lose money in the stock market?

1. Do zero research on the company

Refuse to look up a single quote, balance sheet, or earnings estimate. Instead, base your entire reasoning on the length of the company’s name. Take a step further, and block access to financial websites on your computer. Only allow access to message boards so you can get stock tips to complement your six syllable stock picks.

2. Execute Market Trades

Why waste time by determining your own buy and sell prices? Just let supply and demand take its course. Give your broker the authority to execute the trade whenever it’s convenient for him or her. They’ll get the commission, while we can relax.

3. Buy High and Sell Low

Time your trades so you pay the market premium for stocks. On the flip side, sell your shares when no one wants to buy. When a stock begins to rebound, sell off your stake before you make any money.

4. Invest in companies facing bankruptcy

Even though the company can hardly pay its bills, be optimistic and invest in a glorious turnaround. Allow corporate management to use your stock as collateral in the bankruptcy courts. Then expect nothing in return but a pathetic court notice, and still wear a smile on your face.

5. Treat Proxy Statements and Annual Reports as spam

Dispose of annual reports and proxy statements as you would delete spam e-mails from your inbox. If they continue to come, change your home address to end future contact.

6. Invest in one sector

Ignore diversification, and put your money in one stock market sector. It’s easier to track, and although your risk is high, you hate following multiple stock market sectors. Pretending to follow just one is a lot easier.

7. Trade Penny Stocks

They’re cheap, and you shop for stocks like you shop for clothing in a thrift store. When searching for penny stock tips, you frequent message boards, and believe whatever stocktrader333 says.

8. Buy in one lump sum

Throw dollar cost averaging out the door, and go with lump sum trading instead. You buy or sell once, and that’s it. You almost always pay more the stock, but at least you avoided $8 in commission fees.

9. Invest in only domestic stocks

The growing international markets are complete hype, and you rather stick to domestic equities. You believe global diversification is unpatriotic.

10. Trade with fear – When stocks dip, you forgo rational thinking, and immediately sell. You’re extremely risk adverse, and would be better off placing your money in a savings account.